make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
