I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize