she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's official drugs can't kill me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize