Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
