I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
