I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
