I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
