Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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