too bad you live with your parents still
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
