eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
