is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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