dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
