ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
