just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So squirting runs in the family.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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