Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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