Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
