Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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