peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We don't watch enough power rangers
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize