his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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