with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
