Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
