Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
