I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
