I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
