piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
