so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
