Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
