Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize