So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
