dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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