we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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