so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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