I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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