so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
