why didn't you poke me back
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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