you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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