I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
