she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
