i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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