dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
