New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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