I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
