that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
