he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
