that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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