My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
