Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
