Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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