I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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