someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
