last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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