If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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