We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
