HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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