we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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