Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
