btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Still dying that you shit outside
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
