I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
