i wish my penis had a tongue
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
