If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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