If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
