is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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