I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
