He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
