Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
why do cheetos always look like penises
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
