I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Randomize
