And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
