I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
