Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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