waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
