my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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