NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
