Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize